As an observer of 18 years of mitzvahs – going on 19, I’d like to share 10 random thoughts with you.
- If you are inviting adults, don’t let the kids have all the fun. If at all possible, have something for the adults as well. A magician with card tricks. Maybe a scavenger hunt that starts with the kids but then asks for something that an adult might have. Craft stations counts should include at least some of the adults. I’ve seen them at charm stations and create your own (fill in the blank). Just because we’re grown up doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy some of the fun. Adulting has been really hard recently.
- Having your party right after services? It WILL take you longer than you think to get to the party. This is especially important if you are planning to have photos done prior to the party. So many of your friends and family will be coming up to you and wanting to give you a hug. You can’t push grandma away! Either try to get the important people photographed at the temple prior to services (or the rehearsal day if your temple doesn’t allow photography on the Saturday. Or keep the list very short and compact so you can enjoy most of your cocktail hour.
- More thoughts on photos: you will never get your child back to do photos once they join the party. I mean you may be able to…but they will not like it and it will come up in therapy when they are in their 30s.
- Table photos. 99.99% of clients don’t do them any more. Why? Because if you are throwing a great party, your guests will be up on the dance floor or catching up with people they haven’t seen in years. And they will not very much like being stopped from eating or chatting. It breaks the party for them. Ask me how I know. Give your photographer a list and someone to help guide and collect small groups to photograph. If there are must have photos of guests, work with your photographer as to how best to do this.
- Feeding your guests via a buffet? Have two lines, one on each side or two buffets. Having one long snaking line kills the vibe. No one wants to stand on line for 25 mins to get their food.
- Placing the bar in the right place. This can be a choke point. I’ve seen bars put near entrances and the crowd hindering people going in and out. I’ve seen them placed too close to tables and crowding the people eating. Give them space to line up and stand and chat. Ask questions when shown the floorplan. Or hire a planner if it’s in your budget. They figure this out for a living.
- Have an adult soda and water bar. Not everyone drinks. Not everyone wants to wait on line for a glass of water or a Coke. It keeps the bartenders bartending.
- If you don’t have a planner, please make sure the MC/DJ has done more than a few mitzvahs. I would even say, make sure it’s what they do the most of. This can make or break your event.
- Booking a location that either has never done a mitzvah or has done only a few? Assume nothing and explain everything. Explain what and when the important parts of the evening are done and work with them to make sure it all happens on time.
- Have fun. You and your child have worked hard to reach this milestone in their life. Let go of prefect and celebrate with your friends and family. Yes, I know that in some cases mitzvahs are like small weddings and cost about the same…but life happens and sometimes things don’t go as planned. Maybe the cake/flowers/decor aren’t what you expected. If it’s something that can be fixed immediately, like the timeline sliding off, speak up. But if it’s not, deal with it on Monday. You are modeling behaviour for your kid. Yes, that was a bit preachy. Maybe I am outside of my lane. But I have seen things and feel really sad for those kids. Remember it is their celebration, which they have worked hard for. They don’t see the problems. They see their friends and family that love them and the big party that awaits them. Join them.
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